Page 34 - the NOISE January 2014

this is a report on the first complete exploration of the vast tunnel network under the city of Flag- staff, Arizona. Few if any residents know it is possible to walk underground all the way from the university’s South Campus to downtown Flagstaff. There are an additional 21 miles of passages that
branch off from the main tunnel, leading to a myriad of basements, sub-basements, and mysterious caverns and chambers. I found no buried treasure, but I did uncover clues to the secret history of Flag- staff that should revolutionize our understanding of the history of this peaceful mountain town ...
>> Continued from last month
... When I entered the sub-basement under Old Main I found it cluttered with the frames of hospital beds stacked eight feet high, filthy towels and bed linens, chairs, and heaps of mis- cellaneous garbage. There were even broken dolls and toys and old stuffed animals among the detritus. A side passage led to a room full of dirty and abandoned electronic equipment, including junction boxes and helmets with electromagnetic coils at the temples. There was a large machine labeled “Tesla Induction Motor.”
Putting all the evidence together, I figured out the doctors used experimental treatments on the poor children; it must have been an early form of shock treatment. They probably thought the electrical treatment would be more humane than the infamous prefrontal lobotomy.
However, when I broke through a bricked-up doorway at the back of the sub-basement I found something horrific; the storage room contained at least fifty small coffins. I opened one and confirmed the tiny skeleton was that of a child; the skull was charred black. Apparently the experimental medical treatments were sometimes fatal, and the hospital administrator simply buried the evidence of his crimes in this cursed chamber.
Feeling sick once again, I retraced my steps and re-entered the main north-south tunnel and headed north deep under the sidewalk on Humphreys Street. The stretch of the tunnel between campus and Old Route 66 had none of the steam pipes or large electrical cables that had almost filled the campus tunnels. They must have been removed at some point. There were, however, several small animal carcasses, indicating some creatures were able to get in. Unfortu- nately, not all of the animals in that stretch of the tunnel were dead.
As I rounded a curve in the passageway I confronted a rather large animal that screeched in the glare of my flashlight and reared up on its hind legs. I was already feeling unsteady, and in the dim light it was hard to understand what I was seeing. I’m sure it was probably just a rac- coon, but it appeared to be some mutant thing, with a head like a cat and a mouth full of sharp teeth and a body covered with spines like a porcupine. It rushed at me and bit me on the hand. I reflexively swung my flashlight at it and knocked it out. The thing fell to the filthy floor of the tunnel, dazed and drooling.
I thought about running away, but then it occurred to me that if it woke up, the thing might chase me, so I opened my knife and put it out of its misery, as they say. The thing’s hide on its stomach was tough, but when I gutted it, the inner flesh was wet and pink, and the abdomen was full of ropy tumors. After I killed it (or thought I did) I wiped the knife blade on my jeans.
I had narrowly escaped injury, and I don’t mind admitting I was a bit rattled. I took a deep breath and turned to leave. I had only walked a few steps when I heard a wheezing coupled with a mournful mewling. I turned and saw the beast crawling after me, its teeth bared, fierce hatred in its eyes, its intestines trailing behind.
Furious this subterranean zombie creature was threatening my mission, I walked over and put my boot on its back and severed the head from the broken body. The teeth kept snapping
34 • january 2014 • the NOISE arts & news • thenoise.us
at me so I kicked it away.
I took a bandage from my first aid kit and wrapped my wounded hand. With a deep breath,
I continued walking north, determined to complete my exploration. I had a mishap when I banged my head on a low section of the tunnel, smashing my headlamp. Good thing I had packed a spare flashlight! I took it out and turned it on and kept walking. The section of the tunnel between Butler Avenue and Phoenix Avenue must not have been entered in a long time.
There were numerous spiders, several rats, and even a snake. There was a whole ecosystem down there. Red mushrooms grew in the muck on the floor. When I stopped to rest and poked through the trash and mud I found some old glasses, an ancient shoe, several animal bones, and some hanks of brown hair. As I walked on I stepped on something that felt like a soft blad- der and it popped, releasing a fetid odor.
Soon I came to an ancient wooden door that appeared to lead to a side passage. Someone had carved cryptic symbols into the soft wood of the door. I pried it open and let the light from my flashlight pierce the darkness. It appeared empty, but as I shuffled into the room I felt vertigo and a pounding headache. I began trembling and my brain seemed to vibrate within my skull.
I looked around and saw the walls of the small room were covered with strange golden glyphs carved in the stone. They seemed to stand out in three dimensions and pulse in the rhythm of a heartbeat. Sweating, I turned to leave and stumbled over a knob on the floor. I lifted it and saw stone stairs descending below the trap door. I could smell something acrid and I heard a faint sound, almost like some kind of alien discordant music. I hesitated. I felt dizzy but I went down the stairs.
When I reached the lower level I felt a chill. I took a step and heard glass breaking under my boot. I stopped and stood still, listening; the music was faint. I switched my flashlight off and was in complete darkness. I stood still and motionless. Slowly my eyes became accustomed to the dark, and I noticed a pinprick of blue light on the floor off to my left. I moved slowly, holding my arm in front of me. After a few steps I reached down and touched the dot of light. It felt like a faceted gem or jewel imbedded in wood. I switched the flashlight back on and turned the light on my find. It was a chest half-buried in the ground.
I pried the lid of the box open and saw that it was full of old books, mostly religious tomes with zany titles: Satanic Bible; Plates of Nephi; Protocols of the Elders; Gemstone File; and Secrets of the Templars. I kept Gemstone File as a souvenir, because it sounded like it might be a lost Jason Bourne movie script. When I read it later, I found that it proved there were connections between Aristotle Onassis, Howard Hughes, Lee Harvey Oswald, and Bruce Babbitt of Flagstaff. Who would have guessed I would find evidence that solved the assassinations of JFK and RFK buried in the dirt under my own town? Who dunnit? I know, but why should I tell?
As I approached the downtown area the main tunnel branched off, with small passages lead- ing east and west and the main tunnel continuing north. I took the left passage first, and was able to almost jog through it. It appeared to be a storm drain, and there were several inches of water on the floor. The smelly muck had a rotten odor and stuck to my boots. This tunnel ran below Santa Fe Avenue and led uphill toward Lowell Observatory. Stalactites hung from the moist ceiling.
The tunnel terminated in a room deep under the observatory. I broke the lock and opened the thick, rusty door and saw a jumbled mess. The entire room was crammed with what ap- peared to be electronic equipment, polished metal cylinders, electric wires bundled in pipes,
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