Page 38 - the NOISE June 2012

Dear Ned:
Here are three early entries for your haiku contest, where the winner will receive free lunch.
An order but wafts
Along an ambient breeze Someone’s cut the cheese.
An expectant squat
Forsooth relief then well sought Twas but dung discharged.
A pile of feces
Lies shimmering on the walk Flies gather to feast.
I would like two fish tacos, baja style, chips and salsa, plus two or three Dos Equis cervezas, or one pale ale and one amber ale from Mile High Brewing Company.
Thank you,
Dr. Takeshita
Dear Gord: You should probably go high into the mountains and stay there. Forever.
Dear Noise
While being aware of the Schedule 1 Prohibition under the Federal Controlled Substances Act, 1970, the enclosed copies make a persuasive and coherent argument for the legalization of marijuana; they also provide the courts and others interested with a reliable resource for an objective reconsideration of the now widely recog- nized failed 40-plus years “War on Drugs,” currently in excess of one trillion dollars, mostly wasted, excepting of course those who benefit from the status quo.
Enclosed: Amendment X, VII, IX, IV & I, United States Bill of Rights; the Unanimous Declaration of the thirteen United States of America; articles about jury nullification from various publications.
That’s all you need to know, because that’s all “we the people” agreed to. It’s not
“we the lobbyists” or “we the corporations,” or“wetheself-servingjudiciary,legislative, and executive branches of governments,” as those other amendments came about. Every execution of law must come under light of the truths we hold to be self-evi- dent and if nothing else, the Magna Carta.
Maria Bozart
Skull Valley, home of Prescott Bush’s Geronimo memorabilia.
Dear Bogie: Now if only jury nullifica- tion were used in every “controversy” exceeding $20, then where would we be? Ever dance with a constitutional by the pale moon light?
Dear NEd
How dare you publish last month’s ti- rade against one of the greatest bands to tromp contemporary America with an on- slaught of continually evolving and phe- nomenal chords — these are the harmo- nies and rhythms of the universal constant, the reality of the ages — and all you can do is mock it with some 18-year old bimbo intern who probably pulls more hairs out of her nose than books from the library??
— I mean come on! If you’re going to do reviews, let people who love the music do it and do it good: we know what’s really going on with a band ON like fIREHOSE.
And another thing: does the Orpheum know your “agent of wh*cking stupid re- views” reported that she got a drink with a fake ID?! I know those guys, and they check EVERYONE, even the 42-year old MILFS who can not only buy me a drink but engage in a decent conversation — why the hell send a girl to do a Woman’s job? Power to the ladies, that’s what I say!
AND WHY I KEEP COMING BACK FOR
BY JT TANNOUS
nger. Frustration. Sadness. We all succumb to
Dear Editor:
I was shocked to read that Yavapai County is conspiring with Embry Riddle Aeronautical University to violate our con- stitutionally protected rights (The Noise, June 2012, 8-9). This conspiracy involves the use of Unmanned Aerial Vehicles (UAVs) or drones to spy on private citizens without warrants. Our elected officials seem to think the US Constitution and Bill of Rights are irrelevant and voluntary. Per- haps we should have the drones tail the Sups, Sheriff, Land Assessor, etc. Let’s turn the great eye of Sauron on them and see how they like it?
It is also of interest that during the second great American depression that Yavapai County has enough money to invest in such projects. While many are unemployed, underemployed, or em- ployed into wage-slavery at subsistence level, Yavapai County Supervisors seem to have plenty of money to play with. Per- haps such monies could be better used to develop local economic initiatives in small business development, sustainable agriculture, environmental industries and technologies, and expand trade-school opportunities and programs for those who are not college/university bound. Or how about a fund to hire legal representa- tion for the poor, or better yet let’s reduce and eliminate taxes, especially on non- commercial real property. We have to live within our means, so should our elected officials. Besides the unconstitutional im- plications of this conspiracy, we simply cannot afford such ventures.
I suggest we tell our elected servants “thanks but no thanks” to UAVs, as the US Constitution is mandatory, not only for us but for them as well. It is the law of the land and Yavapai County and Embry Riddle are conspiring to violate this law through warrantless spying. We should enact a statute at the state level making violations of Constitutional law by elected officials and other government agents to
be felonies with mandatory prison terms, after which there should be banishment from public service, and stripping of gov- ernment benefits for any convicted felons/ violators.
Some quality time with Bubba will teach them the error of their ways. Per- haps we can have them all register as criminals under a national registry of Con- stitution violators. Such a statute would send a message loud and clear that the Constitution and Fourth Amendment are not optional, but rather fundamental law and it is a mandatory duty for government agents to respect its provisions.
Going all the way back to Locke, govern- ments that do not honor the fundamental laws to which they are bound relinquish any legitimate right to rule, instead ruling by force and fraud. Watch this issue closely as it has far reaching impacts that will re- sult in more police power for the state and less liberty for the average citizen. Just say no to UAVs and the ever-expanding police state.
Cornville, AZ
Dear Helig: Agreed. Politics is only re- active if we let it be.
Dear
monthly content requirement for the poop- and-fart joke crowd. Call your mom, she’ll be proud that all her efforts to raise you as a significant human being haven’t gone amiss.
Dear MFTM:
Recently an article in the Arizona Republic reported on average people will “pass gas about 14 times a day” out of their bowels. This was also incidentally confirmed by Dr. Oz on the Oprah shot and he suggested she might be passing gas at that very moment. This convulsed everyone in the studio audi- ence into hoots and squeals of laughter.
I had also read that on average older peo- ple discharged gas more often than younger folks and then women will emit “befoulment” slightly more often than men on average, although they tend to be somewhat more discreet.
A chemistry text advises that hydrogen sulfide (H2S) gas — the characteristic rotten egg odor — can be lethal to humans in con- centrations of 100 parts per million; appar- ently this gas is even deadlier than the most infamous of poison gas, hydrogen cyanide!
I facetiously asked a young female friend where do women go to “cut the cheese” and she immediately responded: “down super- market aisles pushing their shopping carts.” I recalled that I had recently detected a mal- odorous waft emitted from the bowels of a bloated-looking middle-aged woman at Fry’s in Prescott.
Anyway, in addition to usual shopping, I decided to do an informal survey of this pur- ported supermarket aisle flatus-emissions phenomenon, and over a two-week period visited a Walmart, Big Lots, Albertsons, Fry’s and Safeway, all in Prescott.
I didn’t detect any flatulent discharges ex- cept possible from one decrepit-looking old geezer who would be expected to have fetid bowels anyway. I did note however that I personally “cut the cheese” at lease once in each store. Lately, several others have vol- unteered that they also discharge bowel gas about once per hour on average.
As part of our regular diet, some of us in- clude beans and cabbage — notorious gas producers — and copious amounts of beer; this of course would increase the once per hour average which places many of us in excess of the 14 discharges per day average emitted from our individual fundamental orifices. Some readers may want to conduct their own surveys or compare their own daily discharges with the published average.
these feelings from time to time. But what if we didn’t have to? What if, when we felt these emotions, we could immediately let them go with- out lashing out or holding it in?
It’s not that we should go through life without feeling. We are human; we feel. It’s the reactions to these feelings that are the challenge. If I get an- gry because somebody says something insulting to me, I might lash out and say something I’ll regret later. That never helps. Or, I might stew on it, hold it inside, and later, come home and yell at my kids with that pent up emotion. In either of these cas- es (or the thousands of other times we deal with similar ones), anger is not the problem. The person who insulted me is also not the problem. The real problem is my reaction to the anger.
When I sit in Vipassana meditation, I am instruct- ed to sit and become aware of the sensations on my body. I feel the top of my head as my scalp tingles like it’s dancing with low-level electricity. I feel the tightness of the muscles in my calf. I feel the cool air in the room gently brushing against my neck. Like this, over the course of an hour-long sit, I monitor every inch of my body with my mind. I feel an itch on my nose. At first, it’s a light tickle. But then it grows to become more intense.
I imagine that a tiny devil of a man, about a cen- timeter tall with a blowtorch and mask, has landed on my face. He’s pumping high volts of electricity into that tiny spot on my nose, laughing hysteri- cally as I struggle not to react. The itch becomes all encompassing to my thoughts. It’s overtaking me; I desperately want to lift a finger to that spot and scratch ferociously.
Vipassana meditation practice asks me not to move, shift position, or open my eyes during the hour-long sit. The idea is to not react to the sen- sations that arise on the body, whether they are hard to notice, or painful like back aches, or crazy maddening itches brought on by little sadistic men who climb my face with tiny pick axes like I am Mount Everest. As instructed, I do not react to the tiny blowtorch. I watch the sensation, feel it, accept it, and move on to other parts of my body, even as the itch intensifies. Sometimes, in order to accept it, I quietly thank my miniature mountain climbers for giving me a distinct challenge that presses my every patience. Eventually, the sensa- tion fades away. Eventually, every sensation fades.
Following this practice for ten days has a last- ing impact. After ten days of observing sensations on my body – observing rather than reacting to scratch an itch or adjust position if my back feels out of alignment – I return to the world altered in ways that are difficult to recognize at first. The Vi- passana practice is a way of training the subcon- scious mind. By observing rather than reacting to sensations on my body, it becomes a natural prac- tice to do the same once I’m outside the friendly confines of the meditation hall. Without any effort at all, my next encounter with a stressful situation or with the feeling of anger is muted. I don’t react. In fact, it’s hard to even experience the full physi- cal effects of the anger, because (I’m assuming) my subconscious mind doesn’t react to it in the same way. Now, in a calm place, I’m free to take appro- priate action as a mindful response to whatever outside stimulus was there.
Of course, the trap sitting just on the flip side of this anger/stress/sadness thing is the addictions we can develop to positive emotions. External things can bring us temporary validation, happi- ness, joy and positive feelings of all kinds. But are they sustainable if they come from outside us?
JT Tannous can be found espous- ing universal questions quite often, when he’s not artfully minded.
jt.tannous@gmail.com
Enraged at MFTM’s lack of integrity
rereading of last month’s Cham-
Helig Hammarmal
In
pagne Chipotel article reviewing the fIREHOSE concert, the editorial board of the Noise wishes to apologize, and set the record straight that the Orpheum Theatre does not officially sanction fake identifications and makes every pre- caution to ensure underage drinkers do not consume alcoholic beverages while within the confines of the premises; any comparison to bull frogs and old gee- zery were intended only with the sincer- est form of the author’s satiric stylings, which in other publications might ap- pear as flattery for a melodic legend who continues still to awe and amaze.
Pooper:
Yay, you fulfilled our
Bob Limback
A MORE
Sincerely
Robert Gordon
Kirkland, AZ
38 • JULY 2012 • the NOISE arts & news magazine • thenoise.us