Page 18 - the NOISE October 2015

po-tay-toe, po-tah-toe: let’s all just be friends and eat french fries
interview by
clair anna rose
to satiate my own curiosity and confusion about the transgender community I asked my newly acquainted genuine transgender (or is it transsexual) friend to meet me
to discuss her/his sexual identity. Like lesbians, I assumed trans folk are also big fans of Xena Warrior Princess, so I arrived for our interview in my home-made Xena costume. As I suspected, Saylor confirmed that indeed, Xena is awesome.
Saylor, as a member of the LBTGIF community...
It’s actually LGBTGIFQA; I think people get more confused by the acronym then they do by what to call me these days.
Oh, sorry. I get confused by all the letters. Can you tell me what exactly they stand for?
Can I see your ID? You have to be a part of the club first. It’s sort of like a supermarket loyalty card. It lists your gender identification and sexual preference. I have a guess as to what it might be now that I know about your Xena fetish.
Oh, no, no. I’m as hetero as Xena was in her first appearances in the Adventures of Hercules ... I don’t want to be with Xena. I want to be Xena. Unfortuantly though, when I wear the same outfit every day people look at me funny. So, this is such an embarrassing question for me to ask, but — what’s the difference between being transgender, transsexual and transvestite? And how do you identify?
I hate to act like an expert. I am not, because I had to consult the club rules and regulations manual, but it is my understanding that the term transvestite pertains to people with unique style preferences. A transsexual would like it if everybody could stop making assumptions about what gender they consider themselves to be and “transgender” includes people who dress in a way that isn’t consistent with gender stereotypes and/or people who want to be called something other than what society has decided they are based on — judgment calls rather than actual identity. I think that pertains to everyone. That wish is a wish I’m certain we all have outside of the discussion of gender identity.
How did you first know you were trans? I didn’t know much about it really at all until I was in Long Beach, California and my aunt kindly pointed out each and every transsexual person she saw. How did you first find out that was even a “thing?” I made it this long without even knowing!
I have felt uncomfortable from the moment we were separated into categories based on sex. It just didn’t fit. The only reason I consider myself anything is because I feel like I have to explain it to people in order to have the right to ask for “special treatment.” You know really special things like,
please “stop calling me ‘lady,’” and by the way I decided I’d like to call myself by my last name. People ask “why” or get irritated because they consider it trivial. So many of us get into this trap of having to label ourselves in order to justify those requests. I’d really rather just say, “This is my name,” and
“No, I’m not your ‘girlfriend.’”
Since you are a part of the LGBT community I would assume you know what everything is. I am hoping you can bring some clarification into my experience. I have, in the past year, decided to try the new “internet dating” thing that has only recently become popular, and set up an OK Cupid! account. However I was surprised to find how many options there are for sexuality. Last time I checked you could be straight or gay and now suddenly there are 20 different options to choose from. They want to know if you are you straight, gay, bi, transgender, transsexual, pansexual, queer, asexual, the list goes on. What even is a pansexual?
I love this pansexual thing. These kids these days, they just come up with the coolest stuff. It just means, “not limited.” I don’t set limits for myself. That becomes an issue because I really love cake and if there’s cake around, I eat it three times a day until it’s gone, but that sort of thinking also allows me the opportunity to admit that I don’t know what the Universe has in store for me in regards to love. As long as they make me cake, I’m down.
Absolutely, but for me it’s potatoes. It tells me a lot about a person if they look at the order of French Fries I have ordered and they tell me, “You know those make you fat?” Anyway, what’s the difference between gay and queer? I thought it was the same thing?
Once again, so many different opinions about this. Obviously the term “queer” has a more radical connotation and includes more than just gay folks. It’s also one of the few words I can come up with when I get stuck with a “Q” in scrabble. But it is important, at least for me, to take back certain words that have been used against me in a derogatory way.
That’s interesting that you’ve always felt you’ve identified more as a male, I totally understand as I feel I have always indentified as a red head and should have been born one.
It’s about a balance for me. I try to embrace the feminine parts of myself. I have this dream of doing drag and being Diana Ross, performing “Baby Love.” I act out this fantasy at home all of the time. Perhaps I’m just a transvestite. Why don’t you get a dye job and be my back up singer. We’ll take to the road like Priscilla Queen of the Desert.
So, here’s something I’ve wondered before: If you are biologically female, and identify as male, but you date women ... that makes you straight, right?
I don’t really identify as male hence the reason I don’t care much about pronouns, but I don’t identify as a woman either. I’m a person who loves people. If I’m dating someone, I identify as terrified. I’m more suited for spending quality time with lightning. Recently one half of an amazing couple with whom I’m friends came out as trans, and her “other half” responded to the confusion from family and friends, “I had a husband, now I have a wife.” Her matter-of-fact and courageous approach is what will simplify this topic to the point of being easier to grasp for people who are struggling to grasp it. It seems complex, but it’s not; it’s really quite simple.
Homophobia is a strange affliction ... even as our country begins to get more accepting of others, and basic rights are extended to all regardless of sexual orientation, some people still struggle with homophobia. And then there is internalized homophobia. Can you tell me how this has played a role in your life?
Growing up I was told there was something wrong with me and I endured a lot of bullying. I’ve been beat up on the street because people didn’t like the way I look. After awhile, that stuff seeps into our psyche. It happens with any oppressed group of people. As I answer your question, I am very aware that what I’m saying is going to make some readers uncomfortable. I feel guilty for making other people feel uncomfortable. That’s how internalized homophobia plays out in my mind. I’ve been told I’m messed up for so long that there’s this constant feeling of shame and guilt associated with being me. Gratefully I’m aware of it and I can tell it to tone it down, so if you see me out having a conversation with myself, give me a hug. Hugs are good. I’ll love you for who you are, and honor your experience, especially if you dress like Xena and bring me French fries.
Over the course of our interview I discovered that not only is transsexuality, like homosexuality non-contagious, but straight people can have things in common with members of the LGBT community and can, in extreme circumstances, even be friends, with no danger of conversion. Saylor and I discovered a shared interest in taping private conversations and saving them, writing everything down in journals, and photography. We also both really love potatoes and take no shame in spending the whole day going from lunch date to lunch date, without ever telling the person we’re meeting that we just ate.
| Clair Anna Rose finally has all the answers.
editor@thenoise.us
1380 • october 2015 • the NOISE arts & news • thenoise.us
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