Page 30 - the NOISE June 2012

Yeah, I went to that place you were talk- ing about — you wouldn’t shut up about it — the Crescent Lounge? Ballroom. Crescent Ballroom, yeah, it’s like walking into your own Wes Anderson movie. What? Yeah, I like
Wes Anderson. I like Tenenbaums. And Rush- more. Yeah, I thought that one was okay. Do you want me to do this? ... But then you get inside and it’s like our high school gym, but with a bar. There’s those bleachers and ev- erything. And the stage is bigger than my dorm room and my apartment combined. This band Wooden Indian were playing. They had like twenty drummers. Just get a DJ, dudes! You know? I mean, there were so many dudes on stage playing drums. It was kind of dumb.
Yeah, I mean, I think people were into it. They just stood around, though, you know? I mean this is Phoenix. I don’t know a lot about bands, but it just seemed like they were going at it all backwards, you know? Like why would you want to carry around that much equipment?
Anyway, but yeah, then the next thing ... There was like this I don’t know, weird sample of this woman’s voice talking about
sex, and these guys start stretching on stage. Like they’re in workout gear, like neon work- out gear, you know? And one of the guys, this bald guy, was super hot, you could to- tally see his ass and his junk through his suit. At first I was like, ew, but then ...
Anyway, yeah, I was like grossed out, then this f*cking wizard comes out! Then this guy in a weird leotard comes out, stops the sam- ple, says Jan Brewer and Joe Arpaio need to die and then, it’s party time.
Holy sh*t! Like total amazeballs. The guy
Colorstore & MANBITESDOG
starts singing Espanol and the beats are awesome, and I’m like, woah. The wizard has some sick dance moves, and the guy that you can see his junk ... Man. They did this track, “Dream Girl” it was like all slow jam and sh*t. The stuff that gets me all worked up! And they did this song, “Shake Weight” and they of course had a bunch of shake weights and that was kind of awesome. And they ended with this song, “Bromance” and it was so funny because you know those football dudes are like that. You know?
Then this really boring band played and I just wanted Treasure Mammal to come back on. I wanted more wizard action! The wiz- ard ended up being some girl in a leotard, which I did not expect.
So when the boring band played I just hung out with my friends Allie and Zoe, but all they talked about was the NBA Playoffs. I mean, Russell Westbrook: so hot! I mean, don’t get me wrong, but I do not care about basketball. So I made out with Zoe.
I did! I’m allowed! I’m in college, right? Honestly, I wasn’t that into it, but she was drunk and all up on me, you know?
Yeah, I know you’re my brother, so what? I told you I wasn’t that into it. No! We just kissed for a while. It’s no big deal, dude. I mean ... No, I’m not bi. Not really. I just wanted to do it, you know. Live in the mo- ment. Yeah, well, sure, I mean, I don’t know. If I feel like it. If I feel like it, I’m gonna do it, okay? You should try it. [Maniacal laughter] Yeah, you’re telling me, you never had a bro- mance? Never? Never ever? I call bullsh*t.
Whatever. Whatever. Whatever.
No, yeah, Colorstore were good. It was like Radiohead or something. Yeah. I mean,
30 • JULY 2012 • the NOISE arts & news magazine • thenoise.us