Page 33 - the NOISE December 2013

For Amy & Derrick Ross, RIP
think of a way to weasel out of it. He remem- bered Nowhere Man And A Whiskey Girl’s show at the Farmer’s Market and got an idea. He had a friend contact the duo and ask if they could perform The Wall in its entirety for Bingo’s birthday party. They responded yes.
Bingo’s surprise party wasn’t much of a surprise to her, but the entertainment was. As soon as she realized they were playing the whole album, she flipped out. They even had the sound effects of planes crashing and chil- dren screaming on tape. It was so much more fun to enjoy music in a small room surround- ed by friends than in a big impersonal stadi- um in crappy seats surrounded by strangers.
After the set, Nowhere Man And A Whiskey Girl hung out and drank. Amy and Doug sat down and filled each other in on the courses their lives had taken since 1992.
Amy had stayed in Wyoming “way too damn long.” She got married and divorced within six months. She gained confidence through playing music and went on the road. She loved lugging her portable keyboard all over the country and singing for strangers every night. She slept around a lot.
In 2000, she met Derrick Ross, a tall, thin, unassuming guitarist one year younger than her. The two began performing together and fell madly in love. They got married and christened themselves Nowhere Man And A Whiskey Girl.
For years, they were vagabonds. They would stop for a while in places such as Nashville or Corvallis or Willcox, then they would get the itch and move on. They man- aged to put out three self-released CDs. When they were finally done traveling, they found themselves in Bisbee, Arizona.
Once Doug and Amy’s conversation had run its course, the men and women paired off. The two Amys fell in love immediately. Both were headstrong, outspoken and earthy. Amy Bingaman was a bit kookier, but Amy Ross had better road tales. They felt like long-lost relatives.
Doug and Derrick hmmed and uhhed for a few minutes. Stanhope confessed that his friends had made him self-conscious about this meeting: “Isn’t it going to be WEIRD, talk- ing to a guy who married a woman you had sex with? What will you SAY to him?” Derrick
replied he had gotten the same from HIS friends: “Isn’t it going to be WEIRD, talking to a guy who had sex with the woman you mar- ried? What will you SAY to him?”
On this experience, the two men built their friendship. Derrick was not as boisterous as Doug, but both shared a twisted sense of humor, specifically regarding death. Doug believed that the best way, the ONLY way to deal with death was to laugh at it.
Derrick related how he and Amy were watching TV a while back and caught part of The Man Show. Amy’s conversation had stopped when Stanhope appeared on screen.
“I think I had sex with that guy years ago. Doesn’t he live here?”
A short time later, they were walking downtown with Amy’s mother when they came across a flyer for one of Stanhope’s shows. Again, Amy’s conversation stopped as she scrutinized Doug’s face.
“Yeah, I definitely slept with him.”
None of this surprised or fazed her hus- band in the slightest. Derrick knew about his wife’s wild past and would tease her for having “high numbers.” This wasn’t the first time he had met one of Amy’s ex-boyfriends, either. Stanhope assured him that the sex wasn’t very good and Derrick replied that Amy had said the same thing. They laughed and had another drink.
On the advice of his management, Stanhope had recently purchased the parcel of land ad- jacent to his. The one-bedroom bungalow on the property could be rented out to generate extra income. Doug loathed being thought of as a landlord, but dollars were dollars.
After discussing it with Bingo, Doug in- vited Derrick and Amy to move in next door. They replied that they were flat broke and liv- ing in their van. Doug said they could pay the rent with their music. Oh, and they had to keep Bingo company when he went on the road. It was the least he could do to make up for the bad sex.
The duo were bowled over and touched by Stanhope’s generosity. They were hardly in a position to say no. And who could ask for better landlords than Doug and Bingo? They moved into their first real home.
The four became inseparable. Derrick and Amy spent many a riotous evening getting
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